A Psychotherapist’s Musings on Fear

It’s no secret that I find a lot of inspiration from reading Brené Brown's work. Everyone has people that they look up to, people they want to be like, whose work they draw strength from. For tennis players this may be Federer, for female entrepreneurs this may be Indra Nooyi, for me as a mental health professional, Brene has been that light whose work has sparked internal speculation and interesting conversation. 

In her book Daring Greatly, Brene’s exploration of fear has struck a chord with me and allowed me to explore the concept of fear through my work. “I’m scared I won’t be accepted to my dream university”, “What if my relationship falls apart?”, “What if I lose everything I’ve worked so hard for?”, “I won’t have any friends and then I’ll be all alone”. These are a few snippets of what I hear in my therapy room. The therapeutic space may be virtual but the fear behind these concerns is no less real. 

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#Fear is the reaction to an uncertain, unstable world, a reaction to the unsafety that uncertainty that the world offers, and a bid to be prepared. However, as Brene Brown says “When we spend our lives waiting until we’re perfect or bulletproof before we walk into the arena, we ultimately sacrifice relationships and opportunities that may not be recoverable”. So much of our fear points to the deeper wariness of being broken, of pain and heartache. No matter what, we cannot run away from fear, we cannot run away from uncertainties and hardship. We also cannot avoid entering the arena and just watch from the sidelines, hoping one day to be unbreakable. 

I wish there was an easier way out, but the only way to dismiss fear is to not allow it to hold us back, no matter how bone-chilling it may feel. Let’s do things not BECAUSE of the fear but DESPITE it.